impatience

My sponsor told me that when I am spiritually and emotionally ready, God will put a man in my life. Is starting a relationship like starting a job, though? Can God put a man in my life if I’m just sitting at home and not looking?

So I’m looking a little bit. I don’t go out, so I’m looking online. And rejecting left and right, hoping I’ve learned from past failures, and I’m kind of scared. There’s one man that I’m thinking about maybe e-mailing. Maybe. Probably. Waiting for my BFF to weigh in with her thoughts. Because I shouldn’t be making these decisions on my own.

I don’t feel desperate, I just feel bored and lonely and a little jealous of my ex-husband and his happy life, of my happy couple friends (because ALL my friends are part of a happy couple. Seriously. Where are the other single women?). And I feel a little less discontent knowing that at least I’m putting myself out there a little bit.

Maybe I’m making a huge mistake? I feel like I should talk to my sponsor about it some more, but she also told me to stay married one day at a time, I went against her advice and left my husband, and that was one of the best decisions I ever made.

So maybe I’ll respond to this guy who has shown interest and meets all my criteria. A response with zero expectations. And we’ll just see…

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