Here’s the Thing About the Crush

He’s been a good friend for a while. Since I got sober. And I’ve always liked him. Hell, everyone likes him. He hot AND he’s got good sobriety, which is like the holy grail of men in AA.

So that friendship seemed to be stepping up a bit, so why wouldn’t I jump on the chance to pursue it?

But damn, he’s not ready. He can’t stop talking about his baby mama. Which I get, I really do, but if he sees me as more than a friend? Then he wouldn’t be talking like that.

And damn, I’m not ready. Character defects seeping in, I’m getting obsessive, texting when I probably shouldn’t, calling when I shouldn’t call, decidedly not leaving the ball in his court which is just straight up self-will.

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t crossed any lines, I haven’t acted psycho at all. That’s progress for me. Everything I’ve done has been inside the acceptable realm of our friendship.

But I’ve got to take a step back. I need crush-sobriety, so no calling, no texting, no seeking him out at meetings. I can do that. I KNOW I can do that because I’ve had over two weeks of sobriety from the head-fucker and that was much much harder to do.

Sigh. So I pick up my white chip today for crush sobriety. My “rule” is that at 30 days I can revisit the situation. But until then I am putting it out of my head, one day at a time.

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