There is nothing worse than…

… a bad AA meeting.

I left my Divorce Care class early feeling brutalized, really needing a meeting because my emotions were all out of whack, and then the meeting just sucked.

As the crush said, when you leave a meeting needing a meeting, that’s a problem.

This week’s Divorce Care topic was reconciliation, and it just broke my fucking heart. I realize that in my case reconciliation means becoming friends again for the sake of our children, but the majority of the time was focused on putting your marriage back together, being willing to stand at the line of reconciliation and waiting for your spouse to join you there.

Well fuck that. When I moved out of the house because I felt we needed a physical separation, my husband did not do a damn thing to try and get me back or to try and work on our relationship. We went to counseling but he refused to participate, he wanted nothing to do with AlAnon, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to dedicate his life to Christ (which, according to Divorce Care, is the only way to successfully put a marriage back together). Instead he got a girlfriend and filed for divorce, accusing me of being an unfit mother in the process.

I know the truth of the situation, that I was in an unhealthy, unsupportive relationship and I was never going to get better as long as I stayed with him. And now I AM getting better, my life is on a positive track for the first time ever, and I am so much happier. But dear God, tonight’s Divorce Care made me feel like a failure.

Tomorrow is another day. Another meeting. With texting from the crush because he does that now, texts me on a regular basis, so I know he’s thinking of me. Which is pretty cool. Because there ARE good men out there, and maybe, just maybe, he is one of them.

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