When I say no, I feel guilty.

I got an e-mail today from the man I cut out of my life. He fucks with my head, he threatens my emotional sobriety which, if left unchecked, will threaten my physical sobriety. He must have noticed I de-friended him on Facebook. I know it’s tacky and childish to de-friend someone, but Facebook is kind of tacky and childish too. I couldn’t deal with seeing his postings, they made me miss him. And I couldn’t just block him because I was afraid he’d try to chat with me, it’s how our “friendship” started in the first place.

The text of the e-mail? “I’m very confused.” Well, I am too.

I’ve chosen not to reply. I feel like an ass, ignoring him like that, but I’m so scared of getting sucked back into a damaging relationship.

So I’m not going to think about it. I’m going to eat this cookie crisp cereal, wonder when the bitches at v2 will ship my electronic cigarette because I only have 2 real cigarettes left, and maybe think a little bit about the fact that at kid-handoff today my husband told me he asked his lawyers to send my lawyers “something.” Is it a settlement? I have no idea. I just know I’m tired of fighting.

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