18 months

Since I got sober I:

Got a divorce

Transitioned my two beautiful little girls into a new family structure

Got a job

Got laid off

Got that job back

Moved to a tiny apartment with nothing

Relied on family and friends to turn nothing into something

Slept on a couch/bed/air mattress in someone else’s home during 2 weeks of homelessness

Felt amazing love from amazing friends

Grown in my relationship with my best friend

Found two more besties whom I love and adore

Moved into an amazing new place

Bought real adult furniture that I love

Decorated just the way I like it

Attended a billion AA meetings

Cried at a lot of AA meetings

Cried a lot on my couch

Laughed so hard I cried A LOT

Made very bad choices with men

Learned to love being single

Went on a lot of mediocre dates

Survived difficult trips to visit family without drinking

Borrowed more money from family than I care to think about

Thanked God for amazing family who will do that for me

Hosted a stellar baby shower with the help of a friend

Hosted many informal gatherings on my awesome couch with people I love

Baked cupcakes and cookies

Sang karaoke

Smiled

Hugged

Loved

 

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more self-encouragement

I pride myself on being me. I am a beautful, intelligent woman who has my shit TOGETHER despite being dealt some hardships. I saw my way through them with my head held high and I am a stronger person for it.

I am feeling discouraged today after several rough mornings in getting ready to go and out of the house. However, I know what I need to do to fix it. A few simple alterations to the night time routine – go to bed a little earlier with as much prep as possible first. Get up a lot earlier even though it is painful to drag myself out of bed. I can do that. That is easy, and things will flow more smoothly because of it.

I am in GOOD SHAPE. I can’t allow wallowing in the problem to keep me from seeing how good I am at living in the solution.

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the power of positive thinking

Some thoughts:

I am extremely intelligent, accomplished and successful.

I am smart with money and financially stable.

I am an excellent mother with healthy, happy, bright daughters.

My past does not define me. I have made mistakes but I have learned from them and can stop repeating them.

I am an alcoholic in recovery, but I am more than my disease. I have to work to stay well but my life does not need to be ruled by how I must define myself.

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more runnning

Only pulled off a mile today. I feel yucky. I ate too many jelly beans. There is no food in this house. The end.

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No flock of seagulls references here.

So I ran. 2.5 miles. And I feel pretty badass.

Also hungry.

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Changes

This whole blog, my whole offline journal, has been focused on relationships, on men, on what I think is missing. And today I find myself in absolute mourning over the dissolution of my marriage.

I think I’m ready to actually work on myself.

I opened the Bible randomly to a passage on the unconditional love of God. I needed a higher power to get sober. I need Him now.

I made some art.

So I made some art to remind me... I just have to open my heart.

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Not quite epic, but…

Going to start running. I have 4 days each week where I can carve out time to run without worrying about childcare. I’m doing it. The end.

But not the end, as I also made a brightly colored daily to do list to keep inspired and upbeat. Not at all hip or cool, but it helps. I am going to find my groove, I’m going to get a handle on this new life.

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